narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

174,485 notes

nakedly:

you are not fat
you have fat 
you also have fingernails 
you are not fingernail 

318,385 notes

helioscentrifuge:

h0tpat00tie:

Is this how lesbian sex works

TRANSFORM AND LEZ OUT

(Source: lolgifs.net)

236,286 notes

sulfuring:

how to write poetry like a white person

  • cigarettes
  • the taste of you
  • drowning
  • save me
  • no wait save yourself
  • cigarettes
  • !!

make sure to left align and god forbid touch a capital letter

(Source: slippier)

81,818 notes

nickfuckface:

parents: “u should be more active”
me: image

95,388 notes

shavingryansprivates:

jontronshat:

shavingryansprivates:

KFC employees truly do not care about anything. ask for a 10 piece and they give you 15

I’m a fellow whovian and i can confirm this

what

147,616 notes

imadad3:

firstgaydog:

in pokemon you can battle a cop

you can battle a cop in real life if you arent a weenie

45,131 notes